I know how much people like metaphors (feel free to take that sarcastically or not, I mean it both ways), so I cooked one up for you – quick! Eat it up before it gets cold.

We are all just scared little fishies. It’s true, my friends.

We’re all just helpless, naked, worried fishies swimming around all day, gazing out at the big world through the glass of our bowl, peering out through the algae-ridden window of our realities.

It’s a lot to take in – if you need to stop here, I understand.

We have our fishy friends, each in their own fishy bowls, and sometimes the glass becomes so clear that we think we’re in the same bowl, but that only ends in face-planting injury.  Now and again we go on our barnacle-covered electronic devices and nautically navigate over to facebook in hopes that there will be an abundance of tiny red squares in the top left corner to prove that someone thought of us today, someone out there in that wide ocean likes us.

Sometimes we have to search for what we need and sometimes it falls from the sky (in the form of flaky treats).

Some of us swim all day around our bubbling treasure troves, while others look on with jealousy. But many times all that’s coming out of their ever-gurgling golden boxes is air. Hot, useless air.  Some fishies have a purple-painted cave that they hide in when something scary happens.  Others float aimlessly, worrying their fishy friends.

There are big, mean fishies who just want to eat you!

The truth is, not one of these fishies knows what they’re doing, though they may look like they do.  They’re scared and lonely.

BUT! (you know what that means) It’s okay! Because now that I wrote this, everyone in the whole wide world will understand and there will be no more wars or meanness and there will be conversations like:

“Hey dude, did you read Harry Potter or the Bible?”

“Naw, man, but I read That Fishy Post, and it changed my life.”

“Duh bra, everybody has read that, it’s a winner.”

And so, in conclusion, there are many flaws in this metaphor, and it’s probably not the first time someone used it to describe the sad lives we humans lead, but just take it in. We’ll be floating upside down soon enough, so just be nice.

Fun fact: There exists in this world a fish called the “Hornyhead Chub,” which fits perfectly into my metaphor (cough, cough, men, cough).