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Well, the semester is winding to a close; finals are in full swing, excuses are running out, coffee’s losing its effect, sweatpants are seeing a lot of each other, and washing machines are starting to wonder if it was something they said (cause no one is using them..get it).

Stress brings out people’s true nature…and sometimes that can be scary to witness.  Some people deal with the demands of life in a calm, healthy and orderly fashion. Others…don’t.

I don’t freak out like a lot of these crazies.. but I have been the lucky duck winner of living in close proximity with a heaping chunk of kooky dingbats (what a beautifully accurate description, might I say).  There ends up being four basic classifications of people when they are forced to deal with stress:

You’ve got your basic crackpot:

These weirdos run up to anyone they know and whine about their pitiful lives.  I know, this is a pretty broad category, but I feel it is important to get out there, and so I ask you, my audience (each and every three of you) to allow me this.

The crackpots can be identified by their unnatural exposure of the whites of their eyes (you can really begin to see the gentle curve of the usually hidden eyeball in its socket); they will many times wear scarves, hats, gloves or even their winter jacket while they sit inches from a radiator (since their body is in essence shutting down, they no longer have an internal thermostat); and more likely than not they will have some crusty substance located somewhere on their face. Try not to look directly at it.

Next is what I  like to call the indulgers:

Indulgers are punks who think its okay for them to go hog wild and ingest all kinds of substances just because they have a few cumulative exams and some two-digit page papers…okay maybe there are worse coping mechanisms.

They lose any and all body-health morals and stick to a strict diet of fried dough, cigarettes, caffeinated drinks and the occasional slim jim.  Many times they will also indulge in study-breaks.  By focusing their energy on a topic of less pressing importance they are able to ease themselves into a false sense of carefreeness (that is a word, i’m sure of it).  They will strike up conversations with other indulgers (who were about to do the same) about things like perceived reality, the accuracy of astrology or a whole host of other highly interesting but less compelling matters.

Thirdly we have the hobbits:

I don’t know exactly what a hobbit is, other than having hairy feet, but I use this term to refer to people who lock themselves away, thinking that they will actually buckle down and check off all of their to-do’s because they’re smarter than all the dummies who work together.  There’s not much more to say about these folk, but I do wonder what they do in there…probably just shaving their feet.

                                                                          ^i apologize for that

Lastly, my favorite, the wise guy aka the jokester:

Jokesters pretends that nothing is wrong most of the time.  They attempt to lighten the mood by pouring out their saucy, witty remarks over the boiling entrée of crackpots and others.  Not only do they have the ability to step out of their tiny, insignificant world and see all of the humor inherent therein, but they can attempt to pull others out there with them to gain perspective… and if that doesn’t work they an always resort to sarcasm to make everything worse.

Please keep in mind I made all of this up.

To help me cope with stress, my darling roommate brought me a jelly-filled donut.  Much appreciated.  My only regret is having not taken the  batteries out of her camera before I dove in to the world of sweet white power and irreparable-stain-creating red dye.

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